Innerlijke processen II - Inner processes II

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Bij iedere nieuw of volle Maan is een van de opdrachten om los te laten wat je niet meer dient. En bij iedere nieuwe of volle Maan probeer ik dat heel trouw te doen. Toch lukt het mij nog steeds niet om alle boosheid en verdriet die in mij zit los te laten. 😭 Het blijft maar aan mij vreten en maakt mij langzaamaan helemaal kapot.

Ik heb me al heel vaak afgevraagd waarom het maar niet wil lukken om deze grote brok los te laten. Ik bedoel, ik heb iedereen vergeven, inclusief mezelf. Het is zelfs zo dat ik volkomen begrijp waarom ze hebben gehandeld zoals ze hebben gehandeld. Toch, iedere keer wanneer zo'n herinnering bij me naar boven komt voel ik een groot vuur 🔥 van boosheid in mij ontwaken, maar ook een zee 🌊 van verdriet en moet ik de grootste moeite doen om niet als een vulkaan te ontploffen. 🌋

Er zijn niet veel dingen waar ik bang voor ben, behalve vogels en het beest dat in mij huist. Een van mijn grootste wensen is omdat beest onschadelijk te maken. Nee niet doden, ik heb dat recht niet. Bovendien, het is een deel van mij en ik wil mezelf absoluut geen pijn doen. Ik heb in mijn leven meer dan genoeg fysieke en psychische pijn geleden, dus nee!

Bovendien, hoe kan ik van mijzelf houden als ik niet ieder aspect van mijzelf accepteer? Ik denk de laatste tijd vaak terug aan de heerlijke gesprekken die ik in mijn jeugdjaren voerde met mijn kinderpsychiater Dr.Hütter. Hij was verbonden aan mijn eerste kindertehuis waar ik 6 jaar heb gewoond. In dat kindertehuis werd de leer van Dr. Rudolf Steiner onderwezen. Dat heeft mij toen vaak goed geholpen. Het was voor mij een soort van houvast in de familieoorlog die zich boven mijn hoofd afspeelde.

Dr.Hütter leerde mij nog beter voor mezelf na te denken. Hij zei vaak, fuck je familie, dit is jouw leven, dus jij bepaald wat daar in gebeurd. Hij noemde mijn familie zelfs een keer een stelletje assholes die met mijn leven probeerde te spelen. Of nee, die mij als speelbal gebruikten. Ik mis Dr.Hütter nu soms. We hadden altijd hoogstaande intelligente gesprekken samen. Hij zag mij niet als een kind, maar als een volwassenen die een beetje teveel op zijn bord had gekregen.

Maar goed, we modderen maar weer verder. Zoals het gezegde zegt, ik worstel en kom boven. Ik hoop dat ik snel boven ga komen, dit kost namelijk heel erg veel energie. Ik heb op het moment ook niemand waar ik even mee kan kletsen, als ik de woorden al weet te vinden. Misschien dat de energie van Mei me verder kan helpen met Venus (vandaag) en Neptunus (morgen) in mijn eigen sterrenbeeld Ram. ♈️

Peter68 © ® 30-04-2025
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Inner processes II

With every new or full moon, one of the assignments is to let go of what no longer serves you. And with every new or full moon, I try to do that very faithfully. Yet I still can't seem to let go of all the anger and sadness that is inside me. 😭 It keeps eating away at me and is slowly destroying me completely.

I have often wondered why I just can't seem to let go of this big chunk. I mean, I have forgiven everyone, including myself. In fact, I completely understand why they acted the way they did. Yet, every time such a memory comes to mind, I feel a great fire 🔥 of anger awakening within me, but also a sea 🌊 of sadness and I have to make every effort not to explode like a volcano. 🌋

There are not many things I am afraid of, except birds and the beast that lives inside me. One of my greatest wishes is to render that beast harmless. No, not to kill it, I do not have that right. Besides, it is a part of me and I absolutely do not want to hurt myself. I have suffered more than enough physical and psychological pain in my life, so no!

Besides, how can I love myself if I do not accept every aspect of myself? I often think back to the wonderful conversations I had with my child psychiatrist Dr. Hütter in my youth. He was affiliated with my first children's home where I lived for 6 years. In that children's home, the teachings of Dr. Rudolf Steiner were taught. That often helped me a lot at the time. It was a kind of support for me in the family war that was going on above my head.

Dr. Hütter taught me to think for myself even better. He often said, fuck your family, this is your life, so you decide what happens in it. He even called my family a bunch of assholes who tried to play with my life. Or no, who used me as a plaything. I miss Dr. Hütter sometimes now. We always had high-level intelligent conversations together. He didn't see me as a child, but as an adult who had a bit too much on his plate.

Anyway, we'll just muddle along. As the saying goes, I struggle and come out on top. I hope I'll come out on top soon, because this takes a lot of energy. I also don't have anyone to chat with at the moment, if I can even find the words. Maybe the energy of May can help me further with Venus (today) and Neptune (tomorrow) in my own zodiac sign Aries. ♈️

Peter68 © ® 30-04-2025
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Innerlijke processen - Internal processes

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De afgelopen maand is niet gemakkelijk voor mij geweest. En dan doel ik op spiritueel/emotioneel. Ik heb ook niet "zoals andere jaren" optimaal kunnen genieten van mijn eigen Ram seizoen. Voordat ik het in de gaten had was het alweer voorbij. Vooral de afgelopen dagen waren loodzwaar waarbij is soms serieus heb overwogen om de stekker uit dit leven te trekken. Maar goed, dat zou dan betekenen dat ik opgeef en een Ram en ik geven niet op. Wij knokken door tot we erbij neervallen. En dan nog proberen we om door te gaan. 💪🏻

Heb begon zo'n beetje de dag na mijn verjaardag (22-03) dat ik me niet meer lekker in mijn vel voelde zitten. Ik ga dan innerlijk zoeken naar de oorzaak of oorzaken, maar dat leverde me alleen meer ellende op. Langzaam maar zeker zakte ik steeds dieper in allerlei dingen en daarbij kwam oude dingen naar boven waarvan ik dacht en hoopte dat ik ze had verwerkt. Nee dus, er waren nog flinke kluiven waar ik me op moest storten. Vele tranen hebben gevloeid afgelopen maand.

Herinneringen uit mijn jeugd, uit mijn huwelijk en relaties van daarna. Zo vaak dat ik aan mezelf heb getwijfeld, dat ik mensen toen heb gewaarschuwd dat ik zwaar beschadigd was en dat het misschien beter was om wat afstand van mij te bewaren. Maar nee, men wilde bij mij zijn, zich met mij verbinden en sommige dachten zelfs dat ze mij konden helen. En ik zal eerlijk toegeven dat sommige een goede bijdrage hebben geleverd, maar als ik over bepaalde dingen zelf niet het inzicht krijg, kan er ook geen heling plaatsvinden. Alleen door zelf diep in mijn eigen innerlijke spiegel te kijken kan ik helen. Maar dank aan alle "vrouwen/zielenzussen" die een bijdrage hebben geleverd aan de man/mens die ik nu ben.

En na deze zware maand in Ram/Stier ben ik er nog niet. April was een brugmaand en in mei gaan zo'n beetje alle remmen los. En als wij dachten dat de afgelopen 5 jaar een rollercoaster rit was, dan trek je stoelriemen nog maar eens stevig aan, mei, juni, juli en augustus gaan voor sommige mensen echt een hel worden. Dit hebben ze vooral aan zichzelf te wijten omdat ze hun innerlijke werk niet hebben gedaan, bang als ze zijn om in hun eigen innerlijke spiegel te kijken. Maar ook voor de mensen die wel hun innerlijke werk hebben gedaan zal het zeker niet gemakkelijk gaan worden. Sterkte gewenst dus aan iedereen de komende maanden. Steun elkaar, stop met het verdelen, de giftige spelletjes en wees lief voor elkaar.

Peter68 © ® 27-04-2025
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Inner processes

The past month has not been easy for me. And I mean spiritually/emotionally. I have not been able to enjoy my own Aries season optimally "like other years". Before I knew it, it was over again. The past few days in particular have been extremely tough, and I have sometimes seriously considered pulling the plug on this life. But anyway, that would mean that I would give up and Aries and I do not give up. We will fight until we drop. And then we will still try to continue.

It started about the day after my birthday (22-03) that I no longer felt comfortable in my own skin. I then search internally for the cause or causes, but that only brought me more misery. Slowly but surely I sank deeper and deeper into all kinds of things and old things came up that I thought and hoped I had processed. No, there were still some tough things that I had to tackle. Many tears have flowed last month.

Memories from my youth, from my marriage and relationships after that. So often that I doubted myself, that I warned people then that I was badly damaged and that it might be better to keep some distance from me. But no, people wanted to be with me, to connect with me and some even thought they could heal me. And I will honestly admit that some have made a good contribution, but if I do not gain insight into certain things myself, healing cannot take place. Only by looking deeply into my own inner mirror can I heal. But thanks to all the "women/soul sisters" who have contributed to the man/person that I am now.

And after this heavy month in Aries/Taurus I am not there yet. April was a bridge month and in May almost all brakes are released. And if we thought that the past 5 years were a rollercoaster ride, then tighten your seat belts again, May, June, July and August are really going to be hell for some people. This is mainly their own fault because they have not done their inner work, afraid as they are to look in their own inner mirror. But it will certainly not be easy for the people who have done their inner work. So I wish everyone strength in the coming months. Support each other, stop dividing, the toxic games and be kind to each other.

Peter68 © ® 04/27/2025
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Herdenking - Memorial

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Tijdens de tweede wereldoorlog werden 125 van mijn familie weggevoerd naar verschillende concentratiekampen in Europa. Van deze 125 familieleden kwamen er slechts 7 terug na de oorlog waaronder mijn opa die gevangen had gezeten in een Pools officierenkamp. Hij was luitenant kolonel in het Nederlandse leger. Deze 125 mensen "mannen, vrouwen en kinderen" waren gevangen gezet omdat ze of een Joodse achtergrond hadden of omdat ze mogelijk in het verzet zaten of waren gelieerd.

De tijd in dat mijn opa in het officierenkamp had gevangen gezeten had een diepe impact op hem gemaakt. Hij was niet meer de man die hij ooit was geweest. Bij terugkomst in Nederland werd hij door de Nederlandse regering gedwongen om te gaan vechten in Indonesië wat toen nog een kolonie was van Nederland. Hij werd gedwongen om te gaan. Als hij zou weigeren zou zijn gezin iets overkomen.

Hij kon dus niets anders doen dan gaan om zijn gezin te beschermen, een vrouw met twee kinderen die waren geboren tijdens de oorlog. Mijn opa was eind 1942 opgepakt. Het officierenkamp waar die zat was bevrijd door de Russen begin 1945, maar het duurde tot eind juni 1945 voordat die weer thuis was. De blijdschap was natuurlijk groot met zijn thuiskomst, maar deze blijdschap zou dus niet lang duren.

Waarom wilde mijn opa niet gaan vechten in Indonesië? Wel, wat hij had veel meegemaakt in het Poolse officierenkamp en dat was hem niet in de koude kleren gaan zitten. Een ander feit was dat mijn opa voor vrijheid was, de vrijheid van Indonesië om zelf te bepalen. Daarin stond hij niet alleen. Zijn voorvaders hadden ook altijd gestreden voor de vrijheid. Dat was al zo toen mijn voorouders naar de Nederlanden kwamen met het leger van de Spaanse generaal Alva. Zodra ze hier waren en begrepen wat er precies gaande was liepen ze over naar de Nederlanders. Er zijn zelfs familieverhalen dat mijn verre voorvader bij Delft heeft gestreden aan de zijde van Prins Willem van Oranje. Of dat waar is weet ik niet, ik was er niet bij.

Op 4 mei herdenken wij in Nederland altijd de doden die zijn gevallen tijdens de tweede wereldoorlog in Nederland. De Joodse slachtoffers, maar ook de zigeuners, homo's, geestelijk beperkte, anders denkende, politieke tegenstanders en de verzetsmensen. Helaas is deze herdenking in Nederland gekaapt door opportunisten. Hij is politiek en gewapend geworden. Iedereen denkt er zijn eigen ideologie aan te moeten plakken en haalt er de huidige oorlogen in de wereld bij. Maar dan heb je het niet begrepen naar mijn idee. 4 mei is om de slachtoffers te herdenken die zijn gevallen tijden de tweede wereldoorlog in het Koninkrijk der Nederlanden die in Nederland plaatsvond tussen 10 mei 1940 en 5 mei 1945. Dus niet de huidige oorlogen in de Oekraïne, Jemen, Afrika, Verweggistan en Palestina/Israël.

Peter68 © ® 24/27-04-2025
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Memorial

During the second world war 125 members of my family were taken to different concentration camps in Europe. Of these 125 family members only 7 returned after the war including my grandfather who had been imprisoned in a Polish officers camp. He was a Lieutenant Colonel in the Dutch army. These 125 people "men, women and children" were imprisoned because they had a Jewish background or because they were possibly in the resistance or were affiliated.

The time my grandfather was imprisoned in the officers' camp had a deep impact on him. He was no longer the man he had once been. When he returned to the Netherlands, he was forced by the Dutch government to go and fight in Indonesia, which was then still a colony of the Netherlands. He was forced to go. If he refused, something would happen to his family.

So he had no choice but to go to protect his family, a woman with two children who had been born during the war. My grandfather was arrested at the end of 1942. The officers' camp where he was, was liberated by the Russians at the beginning of 1945, but it took until the end of June 1945 before he was back home. Of course, there was great joy at his return, but this joy would not last long.

Why did my grandfather not want to go and fight in Indonesia? Well, what he had experienced in the Polish officers' camp had not left him cold. Another fact was that my grandfather was for freedom, the freedom of Indonesia to decide for itself. He was not alone in this. His ancestors had also always fought for freedom. That was already the case when my ancestors came to the Netherlands with the army of the Spanish general Alva. As soon as they were here and understood what exactly was going on, they defected to the Dutch. There are even family stories that my distant ancestor fought at Delft on the side of Prince William of Orange. I do not know whether that is true, I was not there.

On May 4, we in the Netherlands always commemorate the dead who fell during the Second World War in the Netherlands. The Jewish victims, but also the gypsies, homosexuals, mentally handicapped, differently thinking, political opponents and the resistance fighters. Unfortunately, this Memorial in the Netherlands has been hijacked by opportunists. It has become political and armed. Everyone thinks they have to attach their own ideology to it and brings up the current wars in the world. But then you have not understood it in my opinion. May 4 is to commemorate the victims who fell during the Second World War in the Kingdom of the Netherlands, which took place in the Netherlands between May 10, 1940 and May 5, 1945. So not the current wars in Ukraine, Yemen, Africa, Farawayistan and Palestine/Israel.

Peter68 © ® 04/24-27/2025
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The COMPLETE STORY of The Gnostic Gospels – Every Spiritualist Must Know This

This resonates with me so much. As a young child I already had problems with the Catholic church. I often had heated discussions with my pastor at the time and sometimes drove him crazy. It was even so bad that I was no longer welcome at school during religious education. I was certain that things were not as the Catholic church wanted me to believe. So I have never been a convinced Catholic. In the past I have also studied the Bible, the Torah, the Koran and a number of Buddhist books because I was curious about the truth. In the last decade I seem to find this truth more and more in the Gnostic faith. This does not mean that I now consider myself a member of the Gnostic faith. My faith is Love and Nature is my church, but much of what the Gnostic faith tells me resonates enormously with me, more than what Catholicism, Protestantism, Islam or Judaism tell me. In this respect, Buddhism is closest to the Gnostic faith for me.

Peter68 ©® 04/26/2025
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When a man loves a woman?

There is something strange going on in the relationship world. I see videos here and there of people who are looking for a relationship. The moment they think they have found someone, they are presented with a whole list of requirements that they just have to meet.

And just to be clear, I know that a lot of videos are fake, they are just there for the likes because they can make money with them. Yes, you heard/read it right, you can make money with likes. The more likes you have, the more interesting you become to advertisers. I don't participate in that. I'm not a fan of money, although it is convenient and I don't like advertisers.

Back to those videos. So I've been watching some of the ones that I know were real. That was absolutely ridiculous. Before you even go out with someone, you are expected to pay $2,000 so that your date can get a haircut, get her nails done, or get a new wardrobe for herself. And then the first date still has to take place.

And you're also expected to get a haircut, have your nails done, and pick her up in an expensive sports car for the first date. And I'm not talking about a lousy BMW, those are out. You have to at least arrive with a Mercedes, Maserati or something more expensive if you want to be appreciated.

Once you have done all that and survived, you will receive a list of demands that you better meet, otherwise it will be over quickly. Such a list can include anything from how much pocket money you're going to give her per week, how much time you have to spend with her, how often you're going to do it during the week to not being allowed to see your friends anymore. And then I haven't even mentioned the discussions about who brings what to the table in the relationship.

I've thought about starting a new relationship, but if that's the way it has to be these days, then never mind. I am an old-fashioned man who believes in true unconditional love and in a relationship that is not about money or who brings what to the table, but consists of love, harmony, equality and respect for each other. I do not understand why everything has to be so incredibly difficult these days. All those rules, signals and requirements beforehand. Act normal, then you are already acting crazy enough, they used to say.

Peter68 © ® 04/16/2025
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Astrologische verschuivingen / Astrology shifts

We have had a lot to digest over the past three months, astrologically speaking. Planets that were retrograde and in our opinion blocked the energy and planets that changed star signs, which suddenly caused us to deal with a completely different energy. And the sun and the Universe themselves have also made their presence felt. Solar storms, proton storms and neutron bombardments have had their impact on all of us.

At the time of writing this article, Mercury, Venus and the North Node are retrograde. It is striking that everything is retrograde in the Pisces zodiac sign. Mercury will go direct again next Tuesday, Venus will leave the underworld on April 13 and then appear as a morning star. Then we have about three weeks in which all the planets are direct. That will change on May 4 when Pluto will go retrograde in Aquarius until October 14.

Today 04/04/2025 is a portal day. In exactly one month it will be busy in the zodiac sign Aries, because Neptune, Venus, Mercury and Chiron are all in Aries. A real Aries party, although I have to say honestly that it can be a very rough party. April is a bridge month, a month in which we can recover a bit from everything that has happened in our own lives but also in the world in the past three months.

Wars, peace or no peace, a call for rearmament, heavy earthquakes caused by the sun, strange and sometimes very violent weather with hurricanes, tornadoes, droughts, floods, ice rains and a huge number of volcanoes that erupt or are about to erupt. If you think that planet Earth is a peaceful holiday paradise, you will be disappointed. From May onwards we will experience many more crazy, strange and intense things. Then almost all brakes will be released and we will really feel like we are on a roller coaster.

So enjoy the good life for a while longer in the coming weeks. No, I don't want to scare anyone, but 2025 is a 9 year, a closing year, and we still have a lot of loose ends that we need to work on. Not only on a personal level, but certainly also on a global level. What do we do with Ukraine, what do we do with Russia? How do we deal with the trade restrictions that President Trump has imposed on just about every country in the world. Will Saturn, which enters Aries on May 25, do anything about that? Saturn is the planet of order and authority.

Saturn is also in trine with Uranus, the planet of revolution and surprises. Saturn is also making a trine with Mars in Leo. Mars is the ruler of both Aries and Scorpio and the lord of war. Leo and Aries are two fire signs that do not like imposed restrictions, they want and demand freedom. This is just to give you an idea of what can come. Of course, it doesn't have to become a heated mess if people treat each other with respect and are open to reasonable arguments, but you never know in this crazy clown world.

Peter68 © ® 04/04/2025
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