When I was a little boy I had a dream that still haunts me to this day. Some information in advance. My mother had died a year earlier and I had recently had a stepmother. She and I were water and fire or rather, fire and fire. We were both Aries. She from the 21st of March and I from the 22nd of March.
I had received a beautiful yellow crane for my birthday that I was very proud of. The rule at home was, if something has been outside, it is not allowed to come back inside. I do not know why that was. So I had to put the crane in the garage that opened directly onto the street. My father also had his car there.
One day I came downstairs to play with my crane, the garage door was open, my father had left with the car and my crane had disappeared. I went to tell my stepmother in tears. She got angry with me and said that I was not careful enough with my things. Not that I had much then. We were poor and the crane was the first thing I had gotten in years. I was punished and had to stay in my room for the rest of the day, without food or drink.
That same night I had a dream. I walked downstairs to the garage looking for my crane, but I didn't see it. So I walked outside. There I saw my stepbrother and also my crane standing by the garbage cans. The garbage truck was coming, so I quickly walked to my crane to grab it before it disappeared into the garbage truck.
At the moment I wanted to grab the crane, the garbage man was with us and asked my stepbrother if everything had to go? My stepbrother answered yes, my mother ordered it. Before I could say anything, the garbage man picked me and my crane up and threw me in the garbage truck. I was furious and cursed my stepbrother and his mother. At that moment the press came down to push all the garbage forward. And where on one side was the press I saw on the other side big sharp knives to make the garbage smaller. I had to jump for my life to avoid being grabbed by one of those knives.
Then I woke up from this nightmare and cried softly. I dreamed this dream for three nights in a row but never told my father or stepmother. They didn't understand me anyway, so why bring even more misery on myself? Later in life I understood the message of this terrible dream. Stepmother didn't want me because I was different. I didn't fit into her picture of a happy family.
I was rebellious, always went my own way, when I was punished "for example standing in the corner for a few hours" I laughed at my father and stepmother, I wasn't interested in school, didn't recognize stepmother as a mother and I always had arguments with stepbrother "he was a Scorpio and got me into trouble many times which resulted in me being punished". To this day I am very careful with people who are Scorpio, I don't trust them.
A year later I was placed in a children's home. I had lost both my mother and my father in two years. I felt betrayed by both my father and my mother. I did not yet know what death meant and no one wanted to explain it to me. It was not until I was 8 years old that an uncle of mine took me to the cemetery where my mother's grave was. It was only then that I understood what death meant. When I was placed in the children's home I fell into a very deep depression from which I did not recover until I was about 11 years old.
Why am I writing about this dream NOW? It suddenly surfaced again. Apparently I still have to do something with it, although I don't know what. Maybe it is a kind of separation anxiety that I sometimes have that makes me feel lonely. I am generally alone 24/7, something I don't mind, I chose that myself. That way I can work on myself best without being distracted by others all the time. Not that I don't like other people or don't want them to be with me. I just work best on my own. I am "as the Germans so nicely call it" ein Einzelgänger, a loner or lone wolf.
Peter68 © ® 19-01-2025
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